Juliana's Cure-All for Loneliness
by Juliana

Here’s a sure-fire cure for loneliness. If you feel like you have no friends, try this quick and easy solution:

1. This exercise must be performed on a morning when you are feeling especially groggy or ”under the weather.”

2. After getting out of bed, choose your least attractive shirt and least flattering pair of pants. Proceed to get dressed, putting on socks that don’t match and shoes that are “comfortable” but not terribly attractive.

3. Once you have assembled your perfect clothing ensemble, start ignoring your hair and makeup. This is a simple step, since it involves skipping all the makeup (no, you can’t even wear lipstick!) and merely brushing your hair (that is optional) without styling it at all.

4. Remember that this must be done before showering. If you’ve already showered, you’ll have to wait until tomorrow morning and start over without showering.

5. Now that you’re feeling as unattractive as possible, repeat the following statement aloud three times: “Oh well, it doesn’t matter how I look. I won’t see anybody I know and I’ll only be at the grocery story (or mall, or park, or wherever) for a few minutes. I can shower and get ready when I get home."

6. That’s it! Now you can go out of your home and you will have a guaranteed stream of friends, relatives and other acquaintances whom you haven’t seen in years coming to you, telling you, “You look great! You haven’t changed at all!”

This solution is always a sure-fire trick for me. I hope it works for you, too! Good luck and enjoy all the renewed friendships this will surely bring to you!