"Dear Gabby"
by Juliana

Do you ever read “Dear Abby” or “Miss Manners”? Half the time you agree with what they say 100%, and the other half of the time you think, “How in the world could she say that? That’s ridiculous!” I guess that’s the blessing of writing that type of column: people love you when you’re right because they feel justified in their personal feelings, and they love you when you’re wrong because then they have an excuse to write a scathing letter attacking you. Definitely a win-win.
The articles they write usually go something like this:

“Dear Gabby,
“My husband and I have been married for 17 years. Every day, I’ve done my best to keep the house clean and take care of the kids. Every night of that marriage, I have had dinner ready and waiting at 6 o’clock. I set the table with real linens, serve a nice meal, and try to make the atmosphere as nice as I can so he can relax after a long day at work. And for 17 years now, he can do nothing but complain!
“He never thanks me for my hard work or tells me what a great job I’ve done. He simply complains about wanting DIFFERENT food, as if what I’ve prepared isn’t good enough. And he complains about the house not being clean enough, not realizing how much work it is to care for the children.
“Gabby, how can I live with a husband who is SOOO ungrateful??
“Starving for gratitude in Wichiluuka, Oregon”

“Dear Starving,
“Your husband needs a big reality check.! You’re absolutely right to feel neglected. Taking care of children absorbs a lot of time, and it’s not likely that he’d be able to do better on his own. Most wives seldom take the time to prepare homemade dinners the way you do…much less every night! Tell your husband how you feel, and tell him that if he doesn’t like the way you cook and clean, he can do it for himself in the future because you’ll get a divorce! That ought to fix the problem!”

“Dear Gabby,
“My adorable wife and I have been married for nearly 20 years. I have worked full-time for each of those years and supported her financially while she raised the kids. When we got married, we agreed that I would earn the money and she would take care of the family and fix the meals.
“As much as I love my wife, I’ve always felt like she got the better end of the deal! She spends most of the day watching soap operas and talking on the phone, neglecting the housework and the kids. When I’m almost home, she throws together the same dinner every day: hamburger casserole. It was great the first week or so of marriage, but after that I just couldn’t stand the same thing every night. She never prepares fresh vegetables or other low-fat foods, so I’ve gained weight and have bad health. I try to eat sensibly on my own, but I’m stumped on this one!
“Gabby, help me know how to speak to my wife and make her know how I feel. I work long, hard hours every day to take care of our family and I feel like she isn’t living up to her end of the bargain!
“Starved for real food in Oregon”

“Dear starved in Oregon,
“Nobody would blame you one bit! You work long, hard hours every day with the understanding that your wife’s full-time work is the house. It sounds like she needs to spend less time thinking about herself and more time thinking about the family.
“The best way to give her a wake-up call is to take the kids on a Hawaiian vacation and leave her behind. Tell her that when she does some real work, she can have a real vacation. And until then, she can just enjoy the time alone.”

“Dear Gabby is written by Gabby von Baron, also known as Hester Slokovich. Dear Gabby was originally written by Candy Tutulukama, and then by RheeAnne Smith. The most recent Gabbys were Jane Horn and Pierre Vertruse.”

Do you see what I mean? It’s purely subjective. The trouble is that you only hear one viewpoint from one person. The problem is presented in a purely biased way and cannot be accurately gauged from a few paragraphs. If it were up to me, all of these columns would read something like this:

“Dear Gabby,
“My husband beats me every night. Last night, he tried to kill me with a kitchen knife. Should I leave him?
“Scared in Galalooka”

“Dear Scared,
“Maybe from YOUR perspective. How do you know he wasn’t trying to help you cut your meat? And when you say “beats me every night” are we talking about scrabble or connect four?
“With the information you provided, there’s no way to really tell who’s right and who’s wrong. Maybe it’s time to grow up and learn how to work out your own stupid problems!”

Definitely better!